RazzWorks

Being shy, bashful, timid, whatever! It sucks!

Being shy is no fun. People who consider themselves to be shy, bashful, or timid can give you a list of situations about how it has held them back in one form or another. It does not matter if the bashful person is an adult or a child, shyness tends to keep them from being able to live life as well as they could.

We all have encountered a timid person in our lives, and maybe you are one of them. The person sitting and eating in the corner, rarely lifts their head and makes eye contact with anyone. A person in public that is trying to get past you apologizes in a very quiet voice while mainly keeping their head down towards the floor as they try to shuffle by.

Growing up as a timid or bashful person tends to be difficult because of situations that make you nervous. As a child, you are first given a title or label for you to associate with whether it be shy, bashful, or timid. Then also there are the times that a timid child is rewarded for being bashful by being forced to confront their fears and then become even more uncomfortable.

Now the child wants to avoid this situation in the future so they tend to try and be quiet and hide around the corner or stand really close to their parent or caregiver. A person, say an aunt or uncle visiting, sees the child standing behind mom. The aunt then says something like, ‘ahhh look at you being all shy (title given), get over here and give me a hug (reward).’ A child wanting to avoid this in the future starts hanging out in a different room or immediately clings to their caregiver when company stops by. Which now has the potential to turn into a spiral as they grow up.

Later in the years, this child is now a teenager. If they have not outgrown or developed skills to overcome shyness, they tend to start thinking of themselves as being shy. Now they start running into social issues with peers & teachers at school. They now believe they can not do certain things because they have already made up their mind that they are not capable. This way of thinking for many continues all the way through adulthood.

Break the Cycle

So how do you best deal with this issue? Well, it’s going to require a complete mental shift. As long as a person thinks of themselves as bashful, or timid and thinks they can’t, then they won’t. However, if the thought process can change from ‘I can’t because I’m …’ to ‘I know I can I’m just not sure how,’ then things will begin to change. Notice how I stated ‘not sure how.’

This is because I believe any goal can be achieved 1% at a time with baby steps. So if you always believed you could not do something, indicating you’re not sure how implies there is realistically a possible way of doing it. Which is something you can work with. A first step towards changing your way of thinking.

This shift of thinking also applies to those dealing with a bashful individual. For example, try your best to not label the person, adult, or child as being shy, bashful, or timid. Try to avoid phrases like ‘aren’t you a shy little boy/girl, come here.’.. or ‘don’t be so bashful go ahead and ask him or her for a date.’ Or ‘stop acting so timid, get out there and have some fun.’

Now of course there are better ways of handling these situations. Let’s just consider what the first step would be. The easiest change would simply be to try and drop the first half of the sentence. Go ahead and make your request, suggestion, or question without labeling or giving them a title.

You see when you give a child or adult a title or label you’re telling them to think of themselves as that title or label. When you send a message to a person by using those words to refer to them, you’re telling them you do not believe they know how to behave socially with others. Then they start titling and labeling themselves and believing that they are not capable.

Better Mental Wellness

So for the timid or bashful individuals out there to have better mental wellness is going to require a mental shift in thinking. Whether you’re the shy person or someone who knows somebody who is shy. There is nothing wrong with being shy, after all, it just means you’re nervous.

Everybody gets nervous at some point or other, therefore everyone is a bit timid to a degree, just some more than others. So the next time you see someone acting bashful, that’s fine, just don’t point it out to them. They already know how they feel. Just ask your question, or make your suggestion and you will be improving the situation because you’re not giving them a title or label to live up to. And if you are feeling timid about doing something, just think to yourself ‘yes I can do this, I’m just not sure how to go about it at this moment.’ This will allow your mind to consider possible ways to come up with a solution. Baby steps, the first being changing the way we think. A mental shift to better mental wellness.

Razz